I’ve been in the market for a new air fryer since managing to set fire to the old one!

Let me explain how this happened – I had made myself a fish finger sandwich for lunch (because I am a 7-year-old trapped in a 45-year-old’s body!) and had put the used pan on the hob and went away to join a meeting. A little while later I came back to make a cuppa in between calls. For years we’ve used a heavy old Le Creuset whistling kettle that sits on the ring. Don’t ask me why, it’s just what we’ve always done. Anyway, so the kettle boils on the hob which is one of those funky induction ones that detects which ring to turn on based on what is on it. Not thinking about it, hob turned on, I heard the clicks as it found the ring and so hit the button to boost, which impressively boils a full kettle in less than two minutes.

Kettle on, I wandered back into the office to grab my mug and no more than 30 seconds later, I was back. But now there was this weird electrically – plasticky smell. Turns out that the few flecks of cod and breadcrumbs take no time at all to reach combustion temperature and there we have an air fryer pan merrily burning away on the counter. I mentally scrolled through my options – do nothing, take pan to tap, or pour water from kettle on pan. Obviously, it is better to bring water to fire rather than fire to water and, once I realised that the water in the kettle was still cold (hence the flames), I quickly and carefully doused the fire.

It’s amazing what a combination of fire and cold water can do to the non-stick lining of an air fryer but suffice to say, it has reached the end of its useful life.

I’m one of those people who, if something can be fixed, I’d much prefer to breathe fresh life into it than waste senseless money on buying new, but in this case, it was agreed that the best thing to do was replace it. Now don’t get me wrong – I did spend a good few hours attempting to find a replacement pan but gave up the search because this particular air fryer has foregone buttons in favour of a clear Perspex top that makes it nigh on impossible for me to use the bloody thing without stabbing aimlessly at it before I eventually hit the right spot to change the temperature, time, or even start it off.

This particular incident could have happened to anybody, especially if you’re not fully paying attention, but it does feel like another in a line of things happening that all start to add up.

Like I say, I’m one of those annoying people who will attempt to repair and rejuvenate anything multiple times before finally admitting that it is beyond its useful life. And even then, it is with great reluctance. I take great pleasure in investigating why something has stopped working and will go to enormous lengths to get it back up and running – often to the point where it would have been easier, cheaper and less stressful to just go and buy a new one.

But that’s not the point

Often, it’s not the result – it’s the process of getting there that is important. If I can take an old rusty bench and bring it back to life then that is great, but the hours of contentment it takes to rub it back, clean it up, rust-proof and finally paint are worth 100 times the end result.

Having a project like that is my way of switching off from the world for a time and forgetting about everything to focus on the job at hand. It’s why I was always so keen to get myself a little classic car – nothing fancy, an old MGB or a dilapidated Lancia Beta – and having a reason to escape into the garage to clean up the bodywork, strip down the engine, repair the rust, tidy up the interior, and so on.

We had a camper van a few years ago, an old Mazda Bongo, which always needed something or other repairing. The gas bottle valve needed changing as it wasn’t compatible with the newer style bottles, the DIY reversing camera needed rewiring to connect to the new stereo, and the engine needed constant TLC – not because of anything in particular, it is just one of those engines. After a few years, it really made no sense to keep something that we’d never use. It was simply too small for us, especially when Chester came along. So, we sold to a lovely couple from Slough, and we take great satisfaction knowing she’s still running, and her new owners are taking her on lots of adventures. In fact, Kath saw them just recently – the bodywork has been tidied up, and the roof has been insulated in readiness for a trip to Scotland

I think that’s the problem at the moment. I need something to get my teeth into. Something that will adapt as these tired eyes get more strained, something that I can pick up and put down as my body allows. Even though I’ve accepted my degenerative condition, I realise I’ve spent too many years fighting myself that this thing won’t beat me – I’ll still do things the way I always have. But that isn’t the case. It’s just not possible.

I see all these people who seem so switched on, they have everything sorted out whereas I’m bumbling through. But that’s simply not true They’re likely having the same internal battles as I am. Just trying to get through to the end of the day. It’s even possible others may look at me and think the same thing.

But it’s bullshit. We’ve all got our demons and our battles going on and the only person who really knows the truth is ourselves.

There’s this incessant need to “hack” life as if it’s a game of Mortal Kombat on the SNES (Super Nintendo, a games console from the early 90’s for you younger readers), but life isn’t like that. Sometimes you have no choice but to go the long way round. Let’s take cooking: we’ve all seen the reels on TikTok where someone will chuck a whole bunch of raw ingredients into the bottom of an air fryer pan (usually cracking an egg or two in for good measure) and, within 10 minutes you’ve got the perfect lasagne which is the envy of every Italian mother.

Now I’ve tried this myself on more than one occasion and either I’m doing something wrong or the Instagram sensation is lying to me, because each time I try, something always goes wrong. Deep down I know it takes time and concentration to prepare the bolognaise sauce and reduce it down, to infuse the herbs and spices into the milk for the bechamel sauce, and then delicately building the layers of meat, pasta, sauce, and cheese before letting it cook in the oven for 30-40 minutes, but those influencer sensations with their one-pan hacks make us all feel that little bit more inadequate.

I think I’ll stick to the old way, it may take longer, but at least I can be sure of the end result.

I’ve come to the point in this piece where it’s time to wrap up and drop a final revelation about how to navigate all this shite but to tell you the truth, I’m stumped. It feels like I’ve rambled between topics with no real connection, but the point I’m trying to make is that we’re all just bumbling through life, trying to make the best of a bad job and get to the end of the day for a glass of wine, cup of tea, or whatever takes your fancy.

And for those of you who are interested – yes, we got a new air fryer, it’s a Ninja one and (best of all) it has buttons!